Do we bring some stress upon ourselves?

Yes - there are several ways we can add stress to ourselves, and one way is:

Just can't say "NO".
When asked to do something, many of us automatically say "Yes!" when in fact our feeling is really "No, I don't want to do that!"  But we say "Yes".
There are many reasons for this and a few common ones are - 

• one reason is as Oprah Winfrey referred to as "The Disease to Please," an unconscious desire to always please, or be pleasant to everyone, perhaps instilled during childhood.
• another may be fear of the person making the request or demand - or fear of their anger or disapproval.  Some help may be required here to alleviate this problem.
• we may put others' needs ahead of our own - this means we do not value ourselves enough to think what is best for us - maybe our self esteem is not what it should be.

Either way, putting someone else's needs before our own is not healthy - what happens is that we load ourselves up beyond what we really want or can do, with the result that resentment can build up inside us, adding to any stress we already are carrying.

A more healthy approach is to start to value ourselves as being worthy of being looked after - not just being around for everyone else.  It's not selfish to think of what is best for us - if we do what is right for us, we will be more available to those who really need us and be more relaxed about everything too.

A good article to read on this subject is from the Seattle Times which covers many of these issues and some remedies.

Learning to say: "No thank you." is an empowering action that can save you much heart-ache - and we do not have to go into the reasons for our polite refusal - it has been said that " 'No' is a complete sentence".  Giving reasons opens up the possibility of your requester being able to manipulate you into doing what is wanted.  If pressed by "Why not?" we can respond with something like: "I am just not able to do that." and leave it at that.

The first time you try this will be scary perhaps, but after that you will find that others will think twice before asking you to do things for them.

Try it.  You have nothing to lose except some unwanted burden.